Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Shit That Ruined My Day

Re:  Utah's Newest Bill to Prosecute Women for Having Miscarriages

Hey Utah,

Fuck you. Yes, I say that for every woman who has has a miscarriage. You think it's easy to miscarry a baby - whether the child is wanted or not? Fuck you. It's not. If your body miscarries, it hurts like fucking hell. If your baby dies in your womb without you knowing you have to have an operation to take him out. So fuck you. Take your stupid bill and shove it up your fat asses, because you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. To threaten to prosecute women for this is ridiculous. What's next, prosecuting women whose children end up having psychological problems? Because they must have done SOMETHING to make them that way? You want to prosecute parents who vaccinate their kids, because Jenny McCarthy says that vaccinations cause autism? You want to prosecute mothers who drink in their first month or two, regardless of the fact that their pregnancy test came back negative - because this happens ALL THE FUCKING TIME? Because pregnancy tests are not infallible! So dear, dear Utah. Please go fuck yourself.

A pro-choice woman who still mourns the loss of her child, who had to be scraped out of her womb. If you want to prosecute me because I ate a deli sandwich while pregnant (OMG LISTERIA!) you can go fuck yourself.

P.S. This is only directed at the people in Utah who are assholes. The rest of you are cool.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

McPregnant WomanVille: aka The Curse of the Oreo McFlurry.

Me (sitting in my car, listening to Taylor Swift sing about boys who don't love her, waiting for my Oreo McFlurry in the drive through line of McDonald's) singing:  "Romeo save me ~ I've been feeling so alone ~ I've been waiting ~ for you but you never call"

                      ---as I pull up to the pay window with my $2.71 for my freaking Oreo McFlurry---

Dude in drive through window:  "OMGCongratulationsAreyouhavingtwinsMysisterishavingtripletsandisshegetting hugeThisissoexciting (dance, dance, dance) WowCongratulations!"

Me (mouth hanging open, staring at this guy who just did a happy dance as he handed me my receipt):  "Huh?"

I looked down, at my tummy, clad in a brown sweater.  I was sitting down.  My seat belt was on.  I'm 5 months along, and I've gained 5 pounds.  I wouldn't have known I was pregnant if I wasn't urgently wanting to pee.  Was my face pregnant?  Was it my inflated boobs?  Or did he actually see the slight swell of my stomach through the drive through window and automatically know I was pregnant?   Because if I were him, I would have thought that I had just drank too many beers the night before.

As I relayed this story to my husband later that night, he started laughing at me.  Not with me, not in agreement with me.  AT me.

Him:  "Let me get this straight.  You were sitting in your car, in the drive through of McPregnantWomanVille, listening to McPregnantWomanMusic, waiting for your McPregnantWomanIceCream thing.  And you WONDER how he knew you were pregnant?  You were the freaking epitome of a McPregnantPerson!"

Me:  "Awesome.  Thanks."

Monday, February 1, 2010

Goodbye Ambivalence

Sometimes it's the smallest thing that makes you fall in and out of love.  Go to an adored restaurant and have horrible service - out of love.  Go to a party and have a phenomenal experience - fall in love.  Try a new drink - fall in love.  Try same drink made by different bartender - out of love.  Love is a Many Splendored - and fickle - thing.

With our little fetus it was ambivalence.  Many people say that women become mothers as soon as they get pregnant - but for me?  I know for me I adore my babies (the current one and the one lost) like crazy - but love?  To quote Mariah Carey, "Love takes time".

I can't believe I just quoted Mariah Carey in reference to my fetus.  But seriously?  I think every once in a while there's a tiny butterfly of coherent thought in her gorgeous mound of hair.  Cause loving my fetus did take more time than originally thought.